Tournament Mode - 12 Rounds

Need 4 players to start - Max 2 computer players allowed

Pescado joined the game in slot 1

Pescado unjoined the game

Pescado joined the game in slot 1

Pescado unjoined the game

Pescado joined the game in slot 1

Elvie visits

Added computer player <A.L.A.N.>

Elvie joined the game in slot 3

<A.L.A.N.> was kicked

Pescado: Elvie does food?

Elvie: Sure.

Pescado: Food is SW.

Kewian visits

Kewian is not logged in

Games are ranked only if 2 or more players are logged in

Kewian joined the game in slot 2

Elvie: Energy, Kewian?

Kewian: I don't care. You choose.

Elvie: I already have food/SW

Elvie: V is a Mule noob, so she probably should stick to mining.

Kewian: I guess ill take energy and whatever I can mine.

Pescado: Actually, energy is probably the easiest for noobs.

Kewian: V can have that.

Pescado: You find a flat piece of ground and you plant the energies.

Pescado: Also, I notice the antimutant filter works well now.

Elvie: Very nice.

Elvie: I hope V doesn't move this slow in the game.

Pescado: WEll, it's Vtardrancher.

Vtardrancher visits

Vtardrancher is not logged in

Pescado: Huzzah. Vtardrancher arrives.

Pescado: Okay, VTARDRANCHER...

Vtardrancher joined the game in slot 4

Pescado: Which section are you, Whale?

Pescado: SE or NE?

Kewian: NE

Pescado: VTARDRANCHER, you are the Southeast quadrant.

Pescado: And you are planting ENERGIES...

Pescado: So find flat lands, preferrably adjacent, and plant on them.

Vtardrancher: ok

Pescado: Let's get these wagons in a circle!

Pescado: Elvie is SW and food.

Round 1 of 12

Pescado: Uh...

Kewian: that was mine

Pescado: You are southeast, Vtardrancher.

Vtardrancher: sorry

Kewian: ok

Kewian: just sell later

Vtardrancher: ok

Pescado: Go!

Pescado: Grab a mule and take it to the bolt

Elvie: get a mule

Pescado: Stop pushing that!

Pescado: MOVE!

Pescado: GO LEFT

Pescado: OTHER LEFT

Elvie: sticky button

Pescado: TOO LATE

Kewian: uh oh

Vtardrancher: Sorry - I forgot my right arrow doesn't work

Pescado: So fix it!

Pescado: REmap the keys.

Vtardrancher: I have an external keyboard now

Pescado: You can WASD as well.

Vtardrancher: good to kno

Pescado: Do not pick up mules if you are goign to run out of time.

Elvie: thank god

Vtardrancher: which one is energy?

Pescado: Lightning bolt!

Vtardrancher: ok

Pescado: Duh.

Pescado: I have no idea why the Whale planted energy in the mountain.

Kewian: just till V gets energy

Pescado: One unit for Vtardrancher only.

Pescado: ONE unit.

Pescado: NO!

Pescado: Fools!

Pescado: WHALE.

Pescado: Do not HOG THE FOOD.

Vtardrancher: okay, what do I do here, then?

Pescado: If you drain the food producer of all food you will cause a amss food short.

Pescado: DO NOT DO THAT.

Vtardrancher: You need to speak more clearly

Pescado: And Elvie: DO NOT ALLOW THAT TO HAPPEN.

Pescado: I DID.

Kewian: I wasnt trying to hog it. I pulled back.

Pescado: I told you to grab ONE unit.

Pescado: WHy did you go BACK at all, Whale?

Pescado: You already were up to -1.

Pescado: Now hit space.

Round 2 of 12

Pescado: Claim below the purple plot.

Pescado: Or be a failtard.

Vtardrancher: /me needs more instructions

Pescado: PLANT ENERGY...if you can do it FAST.

Pescado: See how I was FAST?

Pescado: You need to be the same to make it to your purple plot with a lightning bolt.

Vtardrancher: Okay

Pescado: PLANT IT

Vtardrancher: I think I can do that. But for the other stuff I need more instructions, too

Pescado: Just do what you saw me do, only with the lightning bolt room.

Pescado: And ABSOLUTELY NO DILLY-DALLYING.

Elvie: my screen spazzed for a second

Pescado: Know what your next move is BEFORE you even start your current move.

Pescado: GO TIME.

Pescado: Be FAST.

Pescado: WOH-pah!

Pescado: Mule, bolt, plant.

Pescado: NO

Pescado: WTF is WRONG with you?

Pescado: WHERE THE HELL DID YOU THINK YOU WERE GOING?

Vtardrancher: I have never played this before

Pescado: I don't really care.

Vtardrancher: I understand that.

Pescado: How difficult is it to understand GO TO YOUR PURPLE THING?

Pescado: WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION?!?

Pescado: DOwn

Vtardrancher: Stupidiity!

Vtardrancher: Now what do I do?

Pescado: Nothing.

Vtardrancher: kk

Pescado: You sit there silently in the corner with your dunce hat.

Vtardrancher: I can do that very well

Elvie: Just follow Pescado's lead during the auctions.

Pescado: And when I say VTARDRANCHER, UP...

Pescado: You push UP.

Vtardrancher: k

Pescado: When I say DOWN, you push DOWN until you hit the bottom.

Pescado: WHale, 1, down.

Pescado: VTARDRANCHER, UP

Pescado: UP

Pescado: Also, when I say to do something, do it IMMEDIATELY.

Pescado: D

Pescado: Do not STARE.

Pescado: Vtardrancher, DOWN.

Kewian: damn

Pescado: I didn't say to go back down again, but eh.

Round 3 of 12

Pescado: VTARDRANCHER: Claim next to your PURPLE SPOT on a FLAT LAND.

Pescado: Like NOW

Pescado: Then THIS time, PLANT A LIGHTNING BOLT ON IT.

Pescado: Hard concept, I know.

Vtardrancher: I will see if I can get it this timr

Elvie: You'll catch on, V.

Pescado: And Whale, during food stage, you go LAST, because you ALWAYS HOG EVERYTHING.

Pescado: SMART PEOPLE FIRST.

Pescado: Remember, LIGHTNING BOLT.

Pescado: MOVE

Pescado: Huzzah.

Elvie: Horray!

Pescado: Although you failed to make it back to the pub, at least you didn't fail.

Vtardrancher: yay

Elvie: Much better, V.

Kewian: fuck

Pescado: DOWN

Vtardrancher: I am waiting for up & down directions now

Pescado: Elvie, why do you not listen?

Pescado: Do you enjoy wasting time staring through an auction?

Elvie: No...

Pescado: If you are not selling, then go DOWN.

Elvie: I was down.

Pescado: Oh, yes.

Pescado: STUPID KEWHALE.

Pescado: All you stupid people look the same, anyway.

Pescado: MOVE

Pescado: DOWN

Pescado: MOAR

Pescado: UP

Pescado: WHy are you still at -2, VTARDRANCHER.

Pescado: You were supposed to fill up to 0 or better because Elvie had supply.

Vtardrancher: Because I don'tknow this part and you have not explained it yet.

Pescado: ELvie UP.

Vtardrancher: At least yell coherently

Pescado: Vtardrancher DOWN.

Pescado: Still short, Elvie.

Pescado: Never have neg energy.

Elvie: Bah

Round 4 of 12

Vtardrancher: Where do I want my plot?

Pescado: Flat, touching.

Elvie: god

Pescado: Same rule as always.

Elvie: i meant good

Pescado: For VTARDRANCHER.

Pescado: PLANT LIGHTNING BOLTS

Pescado: On an EMPTY PURPLE BOX

Pescado: GOGOGO

Pescado: GO!

Pescado: Why do you always spend the first

Pescado: You ere supposed to plant it on one TOUCHING AN EXISTING ONE.

Pescado: At least you didn't TOTALLY FAIL.

Pescado: But that was still WRONG.

Vtardrancher: It isn't an existing plot?

Elvie: She'll get better.

Vtardrancher: It was there and I got to it before time ran out.

Elvie: It takes at least one game of humping walls...

Vtardrancher: ooooh walls

Pescado: At least we can haz fudz now.

Pescado: We already mapped the bloom, Elvie.

Vtardrancher: Okay so next time I should plant on tjhe newest plot?

Elvie: Eh. I suck at mining, anyway :P

Kewian: SHIT

Pescado: Whale, I am doing a controlled sell. Do not emulate.

Pescado: I TOLD YOU NOT TO EMULATE.

Pescado: You may sell 2.

Pescado: Or not.

Pescado: Crystite is noncompetitive, so I don't really care what you do.

Pescado: Remember, VTARDRANCHER.

Pescado: If you don't STARVE< you will be able to plant MULTIPLE LIGHTNING BOLTS.

Pescado: There is lots of fudz.

Pescado: So DON'T STARVE.

Pescado: DOn't overdo it.

Pescado: DOWN VTARDRANCHER>

Pescado: DOWN WHALE

Pescado: Sells are done in two phases: NEED, and then GREED.

Pescado: ONce you fill NEED, and are at 0, you are done.

Pescado: Wait until everyone else completes Need, THEN you can greed.

Pescado: PLANT MOAR LIGHTNING BOLTS this time, VTARDRANCHER.

Pescado: ANd hit space.

Round 5 of 12

Vtardrancher: Where do I want my next plot? flat & touching?

Pescado: Yes.

Pescado: Flat and touching is a simple concept, yes?

Pescado: Touching is the important part.

Vtardrancher: yes

Pescado: Aww, man. Two things the Whale can't actually afford to buy. :P

Pescado: You may be able to plant multiple bolts.

Pescado: Remember, PLANT TOUCHING.

Pescado: You are broke.

Pescado: And you were supposed to plant touching, for better production.

Pescado: Plant things that are adjacently touching the same things.

Vtardrancher: Oh, okay

Pescado: Place plots that are touching for the same reason.

Vtardrancher: I thought plant NEW PLOT was the thing

Pescado: Namely, so you can plant touching.

Vtardrancher: ok

Pescado: Picking new plots that are touching allows you to do the important thing of planting touching.

Pescado: See how I planted touching?

Vtardrancher: yes

Pescado: You want to be like that with all of your purples so I don't have to keep doing backup.

Pescado: NOW HIT SPACE

Pescado: Always hit space during production!

Pescado: yay

Pescado: At least that's out of the way now.

Vtardrancher: So when it says "press button for skip" then I want to do that?

Pescado: SELLATHON

Pescado: Yes

Pescado: Always

Pescado: Unconditionally and without question always hit space during production.

Vtardrancher: ok

Pescado: VTARDRANCHER first.

Pescado: Vtardrancher needs 2 cheap.

Pescado: Vtardrancher, you really don't do this "counting" thing well.

Pescado: 2 is not 8.

Vtardrancher: I am getting the idea now.

Pescado: Move down only slightly, Vtardrancher.

Pescado: Until the number appears by your feet.

Pescado: Move up, Whale.

Pescado: UNless you like having no power.

Round 6 of 12

Elvie: lol

Pescado: Plant bolts.

Pescado: If you can't afford to plant bolts. move stray bolts to be touching.

Pescado: Since you cannot afford to plant another bolt..

Pescado: move the other bolt to be touching.

Pescado: Ow, my splanch.

Elvie: boo

Elvie: V, you're first to buy.

Pescado: Vtarrancher needs to buy cheap.

Round 7 of 12

Pescado: Remember, try to plant all your bolts adjacently.

Pescado: You can MOVE an existing bolt by picking it up the same way you put it down.

Vtardrancher: So I get a mule and then go out to a property and pick up the bolt?

Pescado: No, you go there emptyhanded and pick up the mule.

Pescado: THe mule already is installed for bolts, so you then move it and replant it.

Vtardrancher: Just go straight to the property and skip teh mule altogether

Pescado: No, plant new bolts first.

Vtardrancher: ok

Pescado: By going to the barn and picking up a mule, refitting it to bolt, and planting it.

Pescado: When you run out of money, THEN move existing bolts.

Vtardrancher: ok

Pescado: If a mule is already in the field, it is already a bolt, or whatever it presently is.

Pescado: So you do not need to take it back to teh store and refit it.

Pescado: If you want to CHANGE what it is, like turn a bolt into a cog...

Pescado: Then you have to do so, like Whale did.

Pescado: If you just want to change where it is sitting, you can just pick it up and move it, like I did with my bolt mule.

Pescado: Now plant some bolts!

Pescado: Looks like you can plant two and move one.

Pescado: NO

Pescado: PLANT IT.

Pescado: No time

Elvie: awww

Pescado: Uh...

Pescado: You know you COULD have made it, but then you went and MISSED.

Pescado: WHY?

Pescado: Also, MORE protip:

Vtardrancher: I do not know why I missed.

Pescado: Plant mules FAR if you can manage it.

Vtardrancher: My screen said it was good.

Vtardrancher: ok

Pescado: YOu should have moved the bolt to the far-east plots first.

Pescado: Because then you will not have to walk back out there again.

Pescado: Plots far from store should be more permanent.

Pescado: BUYBACK TIME.

Pescado: You are too poor to buyback, so just stay there.

Pescado: Elvie, BUYBACKS

Pescado: FINIS BUYING

Pescado: Idiots.

Elvie: v, 1st again for food

Pescado: STay down

Pescado: Vtardrancher gets a discount because she is broke, remember.

Pescado: And needs to pLANT MOAR BOLTS.

Round 8 of 12

Pescado: Space

Vtardrancher: shit

Elvie: you can sell it to me

Pescado: Plant a bolt.

Pescado: Then go to the LAND office...

Pescado: WAlk BACK to the "wrong" plots...

Pescado: And "tag" it.

Pescado: No

Pescado: Go tl the Land box in the store first.

Pescado: NO

Pescado: Forget it, just put it back.

Elvie: oh well

Pescado: WHy do you keep doing idiotic things?

Pescado: Either DO SOMETHING or DO SOMETHING ELSE.

Vtardrancher: I do not know what I am doing

Pescado: Do not do HALF of something.

Vtardrancher: I will do more of something next time for sure

Pescado: SELL LAND: Go to the LAND Office, then go to the plot you want to sell and PUSH THE BUTTON.

Pescado: Simple concept, yes?

Vtardrancher: OH I see the land office now

Elvie: kewl

Pescado: Leave the last mule.

Pescado: No, put it back.

Elvie: grazi

Vtardrancher: Tell me next time I have 3 minutes in which I can run off to green quickly

Pescado: You won't until the round ends.

Pescado: DO NOT IMITATE

Vtardrancher: I only want the things I am negative in, right?

Pescado: Right.

Pescado: You want to be at zero, slightly positive if you can afford a bit extra for padding, but otherwise forget it.

Pescado: Except VERY early on whe neveryone is short.

Pescado: Down

Vtardrancher: Now I can run off to green real quick?

Pescado: NO

Round 9 of 12

Pescado: THere is no greening until the round ends completely.

Vtardrancher: Say when

Pescado: You forgot to claim.

Pescado: Now you go tag your stray plots for sale.

Kewian: sell me that land

Elvie: that's not yours kewian

Kewian: no kidding

Pescado: SPACE

Pescado: SELLATHON!

Pescado: DOWN

Pescado: You can stop and go back up now.

Round 10 of 12

Kewian: shit

Elvie: gawd

Pescado: Heh, convenient.

Elvie: no fire yet

Pescado: Vtardrancher has nothing to do.

Pescado: For once.

Elvie: good job!

Pescado: SPACE

Pescado: Is Elvie just really holding out for a major price hit or something?

Elvie: Yes.

Elvie: 15

Elvie: 115

Elvie: I HAVE FAITH

Pescado: Food is sort of a luxury item for Vtardrancher now.

Pescado: As she has nothing to do with it.

Pescado: Remember, hike the energy prices.

Pescado: Moar than that.

Round 11 of 12

Kewian: oh come on

Pescado: hey, it's Vtardrancher's fair shake there.

Pescado: Although what she will DO with is somewhat of an unknown.

Vtardrancher: energy, rigth?

Pescado: You can, yes.

Pescado: Although there is enough energy, so it doesn't matter.

Pescado: You can do anything you like.

Vtardrancher: what would be a better alt and where is it?

Pescado: It doesn't matter.

Pescado: One plot of anything is meaningless and there is enough energy.

Pescado: Just do wahtever amuses you.

Pescado: Farming chickens, or something, I guess.

Pescado: Simply letting it go FREE probably wasn't useful, though.

Elvie: amusing!

Vtardrancher: It wasn't supposed to go off on its own like that

Pescado: But it did, because you are Vtardrancher and your chickens run away.

Vtardrancher: My RL chicks do not run away

Vtardrancher: They just get eaten by OWLS

Elvie: Should've sold earlier

Pescado: OWLS come out at night, you know.

Pescado: I told you this, yes.

Vtardrancher: yes. But this owl was in the house at day

Pescado: Did you know that owl is very delishus?

Vtardrancher: And i did not know I could sell more than I own.

Pescado: And tastes just like chicken?

Pescado: You can sell what you need to eat yourself, too.

Vtardrancher: I thought it would be. But I did not catch it

Pescado: This results in you starving for the turn.

Pescado: But it does not matter.

Pescado: Because you are done.

Pescado: You only need food if you need time.And don't do that.

Pescado: UP

Pescado: Don't sell to the store.

Vtardrancher: I thought I needed more monies

Round 12 of 12

Pescado: No, you're basically done.

Pescado: The end times are nigh, and stuff.

Vtardrancher: ah

Pescado: It looks like a mountain ran over your solar collector.

Vtardrancher: Can we play again when this is over?

Pescado: Yes.

Vtardrancher: ha! out of time before I left the gate

Pescado: This happens when you starve, yes.

Elvie: the amt of food you have determines how much time you have

Vtardrancher: ah

Pescado: Hey, Elvie's waiting finally paid off.

Elvie: zomg

Vtardrancher: Why not sell to the store at the end?

Pescado: MOstly a waste of time, at the VERY end.

Pescado: Sales to the store on round 12 are a purely masturbatory exercise to see how big you can make your cash number.

Vtardrancher: And yet everybody is doing it.

Pescado: But if you don't have a metric fuckton of stuff that is worth a metric fuckton...

Pescado: It's not worth the effort and waste of time.

Pescado: Crystite is worth a metric fuckton and we have a fuckton of it.

Pescado: Thus, it's amusing to see how big the number gets.

Pescado: Everything else, not worth it.

Pescado: Like for $15, food isn't worth bothering to do final sell for.

Pescado: since it is in your score no matter what.

Vtardrancher: And I do not need to buy food because the game is over now

Pescado: Right.

Vtardrancher: Oh andI have a surplus

Pescado: Yes, because need for food is 0 at the endgame.

Pescado: There is no next round.

Pescado: Therefore, no one needs food or energy.

Pescado: Everything is converted to score and you retire.

Pescado: Hopefully to nice mansions, and not tents.

Vtardrancher: And I do not need to sell, either

Game Over

Saving score, please wait...

Score saved

Pescado: Let's see what happen.

Pescado: Woo.

Pescado: Luxury retirement, huzzah

Elvie: alright!

Vtardrancher: Yay for us!

Kewian: yay I didin't suck

Pescado: I am disturbed that Kewhale appears to actually start to understand the game.

Pescado: Except she is still fatflippered.

Pescado: And HOGS THE FOOD.

Pescado: STOP DOING THAT

Kewian: i did not.

Pescado: Yes you did.

Pescado: First round, you were supposed to buy up to -1.

Pescado: You hogged 2 extra food.

Pescado: So Vtardrancher ended up starving.

Kewian: I meant only to get to 0

Pescado: And thus we had an energy shotrage.

Pescado: No, stop at -1 like everyone else.

Pescado: You only try to get to 0 after the food situation stabilizes.

Vtardrancher: So we are going to do this again now?

Pescado: If you are alive.

Pescado: You can take your break to go green now.

Vtardrancher: I am alive

Kewian: got it.. Im dead. Sorry.

Pescado: STUPID LAZY WHALE.

Vtardrancher: Oh come one, kewian!

Vtardrancher: I need one more game right now to use what I have learned.

Pescado: Does VTARDRANCHER understand how to be energy, now?

Vtardrancher: I think so.

Pescado: It's very simple: Find 6 squares of flat, touching ground...

Kewian: ugh.. It goes on for so long. Ok last game.

Pescado: Plant solar collectors.

Vtardrancher: Yay!

Vtardrancher: Kewian CAVES for MEEEE

Pescado: Touching is more important than flat later on, and MOAR is very important, too.